Oh, Mr Matchmaker!
by Love Is a Myth
Summary: my dream guy has to be a gentle man, an athlete, has atleast an 8 pack, super rich! super hot! a prodigy, kind/caring AND LOVING! you will find him right? you did say i only had to describe him, right?" "Yeah, and i also said that he had to be real."
1. Having Allergies to Nuts is Hot

**I do not own Naruto.**

**ENJOY! XDD**

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**Chapter one:**

_**Having allergies to nuts is Hot.**_

.

.

**Messages.**

**You have ****one**** message.**

**From: client # 43**

**.**

**How will u find the perfect guy 4 me? And how will u make him fall 4 me?**

**.**

**Reply**

**.**

**First you have to describe what features you want from a guy, send it to me, and I'll do the rest myself. When I find him and you can't make him like you than I'll step in, only if you add a lot more money, for this part of my service.**

**.**

**Messages.**

**You have ****one**** message.**

**.**

**Well 4 my standards he has to have/be:**

**pale skin**

**a gentleman**

**super hot!**

**Prodigy**

**Super rich!**

**Kind/caring**

**Well built (has an eight pack, preferably but a six pack will do.)**

**Athletic!**

**Loving!**

**-**

**Was that alright? You did say to describe my dream guy, and you'll find him right?**

**.**

**Reply**

**.**

**I also said that he had to be real.**

**.**

**Good bye. Your transaction has expired.**

**.**

**Beep. Beep. Beep. – the line is dead.**

**And so are you, if you send me a message again.**

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**.**

**.**

"Dobe, you're insane."

"No, I'm not!"

"Then how do expect me to find a girl with pink hair, green eyes, kind and caring personality, but is also very violent, has schizophrenia, and is allergic nuts?"

"Yeah! Isn't she just perfect?!"

"Yeah, right. Now if only she existed, maybe you could finally stop bugging me, dobe. Besides what you're looking for is too specific—"

"but allergy to nuts is easy to find out ab—"

"—and no, Naruto, knowing that she's allergic to nuts does not mean it will be easier to find her, it might get even harder but I doubt it. Pink hair is already hard enough to find, and did you say that it had to be _natural?_ You've gotta be fucking kidding me, WHO THE HELL HAS PINK HAIR, for a natural hair color?"

"But she does, she does!"

"Looks like you've actually met her…"

"Well, I have, we bumped into each other one day…"

"Dobe. If you already found her, then **what the hell are you doing, asking **_**me**_** to find her for **_**you.**_ You should just go to a private investigator or something else, so stop bothering me, I actually have _real_ work to do."

"C'mon! Sasuke-teme! Can't you just do this for your bestfriend's sake? Can't you just give me this one thing! I have never asked you for much, either so—"

"—yes, you have. Did you see how long the roll of bill rolled when the old man opened it? It went through the whole 500 sq. meters of the restaurant AND through the entire city until it reached my apartment's doorstep."

"—please just do this for me!"

Sigh "There's no getting through to you, is there?"

"So, is that a yes?"

"Hn. Dobe."

"TE—"

"what's the girl's name?"

"huh? You mean, pinkie-chan?"

"What? Who's the retard that would name their daughter, _pinkie-chan?!"_

"Uh.. well.. you see, I don't… actually… know….her name….."

"Ahou."

_Thump!_

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**Thanks for reading! AND REMEMBER! GET YO LAZY (BUT PRETTY) ASS UP AND REVIEWING!**

**ALSO COMMENT IF I SHOULD CONTINUE THIS STORY BECAUSE I'M GOING ON A FIRST CHAPTER MARATHON TO GET THE PLOT BUNNIES OUT OF MY HEAD, BUT I WILL ONLY CONTINUE STORIES THAT ARE ACTUALY ACKNOWLEDGED!**

***sakura**

**PS: SORRY FOR THE ABUSE OF CAPSLOCK!**

**Pps: oops, sorry again….**


	2. Hair style Stealers over Coffee

**I don't own Naruto.**

**.**

_**Oh, Mr. Matchmaker!**_

_**Chapter two:**_

_**Hair Style Stealers are best talked about over Coffee**_

**.**

I'm Sakura Haruno, a praised genius when I was in elementary, I also won the science fair in high school and now that I've grown you'd expect me to be one of those smart rich millionaires like Bill Gates right? Wrong, my current occupation is far, FAR away from what I had planned when I was in high school, sure I'm still swimming in money like you would expect but as to _how_ I make the money? You'd think it was the most ludicrous way to earn my fortune, but then you'd also be lining up to hire me because of my current profession….. so who's laughing now? Apparently…no one is.

My job is, if you put it in a fairy tale way, to bring you closer to the love of your life and give you a happy ending but to those who have a darker view in life, I am a conniving smart bitch to use tactics both dirty and not, to earn money, by selling false 'dreams' and 'love'. But if you had to ask me as to what the hell my job is, it's to just simply get a person in a relationship with another whom they think they'll love forever, I know what you're thinking, 'could it be? The famous love monster, doesn't believe in Love?' then yes you are right, I don't believe in love, simply put, I think love is a myth. All there is, is temporary passion, lust or just plain interest….. I don't ever expect my clients to last together, but don't tell them that, it'd be bad for business and I still need to make a living after all.

My love life in itself is non-existent, yet another fact that my clients should never know about. And if they do ask….. let's just say

"I'm going with him on a date this afternoon actually, that's why I have to cut our session short."

"Really? Well that's great! I was starting to think I was taking advices from someone who doesn't even have any boyfriend or experience in relationships….. that would be embarrassing wouldn't it?" she said giggling

"Yeah, it would be…"

I said giggling on the outside _'What you don't know is, that's exactly what you're doing right now, but I'll show you I'll get this job done easy and fast."_

"Well, don't let me hold you from your date! I'll be going now!"

"Bye! Drive safely!"

Sigh

It's hard being a 'matchmaker' seriously.

"You want me to what?"

Sigh

"I told you, eat the sausage _slowly_, and don't bite it either."

"Huh? Then how the hell am I supposed to eat it then?"

"Look, you want to have sex with this guy, right?"

"Uhh…yeah?"

"Then just follow everything I say, no questions asked. Why else would I stick an ear piece on you? So just listen and follow."

"Okay."

"Good, now suck the fucking sausage whole."

"Aahh! That last job was a bit irritating to finish! Why don't I have a less complicated job?" Sakura screamed, banging her hands on the coffee table

"Well, if you're so stressed about it, why not find an _actual_ job?" Ino stated sipping her coffee

"As annoying as my job is it get's the food served on the table." She replied picking at her cake

"Yeah, you're right, you definitely get a higher pay than I do."

"Which is outrageous, seeing as you are a fashion designer."

"You guys complaining about your jobs again?" Tenten asked pulling out another chair to the table.

"Yeah." Ino and sakura both simultaneously answered

"Should've known. Moving on, a friend of mine wanted to hire you Sakura."

"Let me guess, she's a girl."

"Don't you have anything to do better than to diss me when I give you work? Anyways you're wrong; he's a guy, though he's kinda 'Effeminate'."

"Oh no, you're not talking about that hairstyle stealing guy are you?" ino screamed, outraged. Good thing those in the coffee shop are already used to the screaming and rantings of the trio.

"Yes, and no he said he had that hairstyle before you, and no do not take out your anger on me, I'm only the messenger."

"Hello? The feeling left out friend here."

"Oh yeah, we haven't told you about my new co-worker, his name's Deidara Takeuchi. He's –"

"A Hairstyle stealer that's what he is! And I don't care whatever he tells you to tell me tenten."

"Fine, I don't have time for this anyway, I only went here to inform sakura and get a speedy latte. Those birds in the park aren't going to take pictures of themselves you know."

"Presumably, you already said yes to him before you even asked me, so when is he going to my office?" Sakura nonchalantly asked while sipping her coffee.

"Hehehehe, yeah……about that, he'smightmaybealreadybeinyouroffice! Bye!"

And predictably Sakura spurted out her coffee on ino's face – classic isn't it?—and then proceeded to grab the scruff of tenten's shirt.

"**Tenten, What. Did. You. Say!**"

"Ahhh! I don't wanna die yet!" She said running like there's no tomorrow…..but not before stoping to take her latte of course.

Then sakura, opting to just give up, sat back down on her chair, sighing, and was faced with a coffee covered face _fuming_ ino……. This does not bode well for her….

"ehehehhehe, well….you heard the Man-er- Woman! If you'll excuse me I'll just go and meet my client!" Sakura yelled already halfway through the streets…..

A resounding ~"WHEN I SEE YOU'RE FACE AGAIN, YOU'RE DEAD!" ~ was heard throughout the happy shopping district.

**There, it's done. I'm sorry that it's quite short, I wasn't even supposed to post this yet but as I said reviews make me excited to post an update! XDD**

** Special thanks to: ****Sakura member of Akatsuki-love****, YukiTora 17, dragontamer ri-chan for being the first reviewers of this story.**

**Sincerely,**

***Sakura**


	3. I am so Damned!

**I am sooo Damned….. Sorry!**

Guys, I am soooo sorry that I haven't been updating in a while for _any_ of my stories.

I just recently moved to the U.S. and the internet connection doesn't work on my laptop so I'm using my uncle's computer right now and according to my friends in , with the rate that people review in my stories I shouldn't really post this author's note, but I like to keep readers informed so I'm also sorry if you were expecting a new chapter.


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